Recently I told my friend Tobias that I was having more energy. I have also been having this urge to write for weeks; write all sorts of things about management, leadership, mental health, life, the universe, and everything. He asked me if that meant that I would be writing a blog post for each of the twelve days of Christmas as I have done before 🙂
When he asked, I was not sure, yet here I am writing the first one 🙂
I had decided a topic for the first day, but it didn’t feel right. Then I started on another, and after one section I didn’t have more to say on that – at least not today. On to the third topic that spawned into two, so here I go with the fourth topic 🙂
So here we go:
As long as I can remember, I wanted to help people, and make things better.
When I was around nine, I came up with a saying/sentence that kind of encapsulated the whole thing for me: “If we all do things that matter a little to us and a lot to someone else, we will make the world a better place” – it can be holding the door for someone with their hands full; going 5 min out of our way to save someone 20 min public transportation; smiling to someone, lending a hand – the options are endless. I am sure that I must have written about this somewhere before 🙂
But as a kid I was told that helping people is not worth it unless you get something out of it.
I remember going to a supermarket with my mom; as we walked towards the store, we passed a woman, who was loading her groceries from the shopping cart to her trunk. Typical cart, so it wouldn’t stand still. I stopped, held the cart still, while the woman unloaded, and then we continued to the store. As soon as we moved away from the woman, my mom said to me “Why on Earth did you waste time on that?”. Sadly, this was not the only example of being told that I was wrong.
I did what many kids do: I buried the stuff I did “wrong” and packed it far away inside me.
Some kids bury it so deeply that they never find it again. I was fortunate enough to start becoming myself again at almost 40. The above-mentioned sentence was lost for me for so many years as well as other as my values and real personality
We don’t always consider how much we affect kids, when we say things that are judging them or telling them that they are wrong. Saying “Boys don’t cry” to a crying boy is a very good example. It can seem fairly innocent, but there is a lot in that one sentence. Boys are not supposed to be weak, not supposed to cry, not supposed to have or at least show emotions.
When we talk about equality and equity, one thing that we don’t talk enough about is how men do not seek help. In Denmark they are starting to look into these things. Things like why men die younger, seek medical help too late, don’t get help for mental problems…
Fewer men than women are diagnosed with depression, which is diagnosed by asking ten questions and scoring the answers; some early research indicate that men are answering the questions differently than women if it contains the word “feel” (an example of this is: “Over the last two weeks, how often have you felt tired or having little energy?”).
I don’t think anyone saying “Boys don’t cry” have the intention of creating a man, who does not seek help. But nevertheless that is what it can lead to.
We can’t always say the right things, but what we can do, is to be more mindful of our words and how they affect others. Especially how we affect kids, but also grown-ups. And we can pay attention of the reactions our words have.
Perhaps if we do that a little bit more, we can make the world a little bit better 💕
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 24/25: Who do you want to be?
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 24/25: Hope is real
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 24/25: Ripples in the Water
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 24/25: