Tag: care

Making the world a little bit better

Recently I told my friend Tobias that I was having more energy. I have also been having this urge to write for weeks; write all sorts of things about management, leadership, mental health, life, the universe, and everything. He asked me if that meant that I would be writing a blog post for each of the twelve days of Christmas as I have done before 🙂

When he asked, I was not sure, yet here I am writing the first one 🙂

I had decided a topic for the first day, but it didn’t feel right. Then I started on another, and after one section I didn’t have more to say on that – at least not today. On to the third topic that spawned into two, so here I go with the fourth topic 🙂

So here we go:

As long as I can remember, I wanted to help people, and make things better.

When I was around nine, I came up with a saying/sentence that kind of encapsulated the whole thing for me: “If we all do things that matter a little to us and a lot to someone else, we will make the world a better place” – it can be holding the door for someone with their hands full; going 5 min out of our way to save someone 20 min public transportation; smiling to someone, lending a hand – the options are endless. I am sure that I must have written about this somewhere before 🙂

But as a kid I was told that helping people is not worth it unless you get something out of it.

I remember going to a supermarket with my mom; as we walked towards the store, we passed a woman, who was loading her groceries from the shopping cart to her trunk. Typical cart, so it wouldn’t stand still. I stopped, held the cart still, while the woman unloaded, and then we continued to the store. As soon as we moved away from the woman, my mom said to me “Why on Earth did you waste time on that?”. Sadly, this was not the only example of being told that I was wrong.

I did what many kids do: I buried the stuff I did “wrong” and packed it far away inside me.

Some kids bury it so deeply that they never find it again. I was fortunate enough to start becoming myself again at almost 40. The above-mentioned sentence was lost for me for so many years as well as other as my values and real personality

We don’t always consider how much we affect kids, when we say things that are judging them or telling them that they are wrong. Saying “Boys don’t cry” to a crying boy is a very good example. It can seem fairly innocent, but there is a lot in that one sentence. Boys are not supposed to be weak, not supposed to cry, not supposed to have or at least show emotions.

When we talk about equality and equity, one thing that we don’t talk enough about is how men do not seek help. In Denmark they are starting to look into these things. Things like why men die younger, seek medical help too late, don’t get help for mental problems…

Fewer men than women are diagnosed with depression, which is diagnosed by asking ten questions and scoring the answers; some early research indicate that men are answering the questions differently than women if it contains the word “feel” (an example of this is: “Over the last two weeks, how often have you felt tired or having little energy?”).

I don’t think anyone saying “Boys don’t cry” have the intention of creating a man, who does not seek help. But nevertheless that is what it can lead to.

We can’t always say the right things, but what we can do, is to be more mindful of our words and how they affect others. Especially how we affect kids, but also grown-ups. And we can pay attention of the reactions our words have.

Perhaps if we do that a little bit more, we can make the world a little bit better 💕

Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 24/25: Who do you want to be?
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 24/25: Hope is real
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 24/25: Ripples in the Water
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 24/25:
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 24/25:

There is still hope

On the 14th of December, Dave Snowden tweeted and asked for inspiration for themes for 12 days of Christmas blog.

I suggested gratitude, and Ed Strafford from New Zealand suggested hope. I really liked having positive themes and found that those could be inspirational, which I find lacking in the world.

Somehow it ended up with a mutual challenge for Ed and I: We will each make blog posts on hope for the 12 days of Christmas.

The modern world is magical: two people, who never met, from opposites of the world – almost as far apart as you can get, who did not even know of each other 11 days ago, will go on a common mission: spreading hope into the world for 12 days.

On to the first post:

Yesterday was Christmas evening, which is the time, where we get presents in Denmark. I was celebrating with my extra family – my chosen family – Elisabeth and I met in “gymnasium” in 1987 and have been friends ever since. Now we are as close as sisters and her kids are my kids as well.

Her and her family have supported me as I have grown from being afraid to stand outside the norm to being my whole self with all that is. I think they have not just supported me; they have enabled me to grow.

The whole family: husband and kids, parents, siblings, and all.

A really good example of the acceptance and care is the gift that I got from my boy and his girlfriend: a big fluffy dinosaur in perfect colour 🙂

Niels remarked that I looked like a seven-year-old girl sitting on the floor unwrapping my plush toy – and that is how I felt as well.

If I can go from using all my energy to fit in to a person that will appreciate a plush dinosaur gift, then there is hope.

We can change, we can embrace who we are, we can be all of ourselves.

A story about a story

This is a story about telling a story, and the impact it had on me. Actually it is a story about three stories.

Prologue

For a long time I have had an interest in storytelling. The first time I heard about it, a light bulb went off in my head ”so that is what I do, when I teach – I tell stories”.

And in July I went to a storytelling workshop with Tobias Mayer in London. Truth be told, I had not looked at the content; I had just been following Tobias on twitter for a while and thought it would be nice meeting him, I love stories, I had the time, I had two bucket list items in London, and my friend Daniel was going. So why not 🙂

 

Act one: On the way to a story

The morning came; Daniel and I met to take the tube to the workshop. At the endpoint, we stopped to look at a map to find directions. Almost immediately a homeless guy selling ”The Big Issue” came over to ask if he could help us. We gladly accepted the help, and I bought an issue of The Big Issue before we left. Daniel also gave the nice guy some money. Before we left the homeless man complimented me on my blue hair, which reminded me of the homeless guy at my local supermarket selling “Hus forbi”.

We arrived at the workshop and soon it started. After a while it was time to create the first stories. We were all told to tell the story of how we got to the workshop. And off course we needed some twist; something to make it interesting.

 

Act two: The first story

I decided to put in the part about meeting the homeless guy at the tube. First of all he was very helpful and it told me something about Daniel. We had met a few times at agile events and knew each other from twitter, but not that well, and I was glad to see that he also gave the guy money – it somehow confirmed that we had some of the same values.

The way I tell stories is that I know the big picture and often the red line, but I do not know exactly which words will come out of my mouth.

I volunteered to tell my story and when I came to the part about being complimented about my blue hair and being reminded about the homeless guy back, I added something like “which very few people do in Denmark; quite the opposite: you need to fit in”.

And that part really struck people. That somehow that homeless guy at home respected me and acknowledged me for being me. When they pointed that out, it clicked in my brain and I almost cried. I had realised just how much it meant to me that that this one guy acknowledged and accepted me.

 

Act three: The second story

As I came home and the story settled, it became more and more obvious to me just how much this homeless guy’s remarks means to me. I have been the odd one out most of my life. I longed to be acknowledged for who I was instead of being pushed to fit in.

When I found my agile tribe in Germany, I started to let go of that and began having the courage to be myself. I got a lot more self-worth and did stuff that I wanted to do. Like getting the blue hair.

And I thought that I did not need other’s acknowledgments any more. But I do; or at least it matters.

I decided to talk to the homeless guy and went by the supermarket several times, before I managed to meet him. I waited until he was alone and went over to him saying: “This might sound silly, but I would like to tell you a story about a story”. And I told him how much his words matter to me and how I found out

His smile became wider and wider, and he spontaneously gave me a big hug and said “Wow that is the most amazing start of a day one could have” (paraphrased in English):)

So we introduced ourselves and talked for at least half an hour.

 

Act Four: The third story

It turns out that he sees it as part of his life to bring some smile and joy into other people’s lives. He is very aware of this and especially when someone stands out or look like they have it difficult. As an example he said that there is a Danish woman who converted to Islam and is now wearing a nihab; he makes sure to always greet her because so many look down in what she did; she needs it more than others.

We agreed that life is all about communication and relations. How even design is about communication (His current book was “The design of everyday things”)

I try not to judge people by appearance and yet I was surprised about the depth of our talk. I was surprised that someone with seemingly few resources has the energy to brighten other people’s day 🙂

We talked about how you connect instantly to some people and not to others; we discussed if this is about energies and the different frequencies of that.

We discussed many things 🙂

We talked about I do, and my choices to not work fulltime and then go to conferences. We talked about what being rich is, and he said that he had a philosophy on that: “Wealth is not about having money: it is about having what you need at the moment you need it. It doesn’t matter if it is dry clothes, food or something else” (paraphrased in English)

Totally not what I expected when my day started – and after another hug, I went on my way home with joy in my heart.

 

Epilogue

So why am I writing this?

First reason: I came home from my talk with my new friends and felt like I was exploding with happiness.

Second reason: If someone does something that matters to you, tell them.

Third reason: Never judge people by their appearance.

Fourth reason: Have the courage to be yourself. You are perfect with all your imperfections.

Fifth: Do something for others that matter a little to you, but a lot to someone else. It can be a smile, holding the door, giving a ride, saying something nice. It matters more than you think.